No parent likes to see their kids suffer through rejection. It’s painful to watch and yet it is just one of the many life lessons our kids face when going away to college. Finding your people as a freshman is likely the most stressful and scary part of going away to college.
What can you do when your college freshman calls home feeling rejected?
First just breath and allow yourself to have whatever reaction you are having. After all, you are the parent and you care about your child’s experience. You will have a reaction. However, get clear, present and notice your reaction. This is key to engaging consciously with your kid.
Allow them to feel their feelings all the way through without interrupting the flow. It can be so difficult to see our kids suffer and we jump in and try to solve the problem before they have had a chance to truly feel their feelings. Give them lots of space to just be with their emotions. When we allow our emotions to move all the way through they do not get trapped in our bodies and minds and we become free of them. This is emotional intelligence and an important and valuable skill for our kids to develop as they grow into adulthood and leadership.
Empathize without solving. This is tricky because we so desperately want to make the pain go away! We offer suggestions, thoughts and ideas helping solve the problem and to take their mind off of the discomfort. STOP IT! When we interrupt our kids discomfort we are unconsciously teaching them that it’s not ok to feel sad, angry, fearful or whatever emotion they are experiencing. We send a message that something is wrong with those feelings. These so called “negative emotions” are just as valuable as positive emotions and when our kids can learn to fully feel anger, sadness and fear they are free to feel joy and happiness and love as equally. This is the real gift in emotional intelligence.
Developing awareness of our own emotional reactivity in the face of our kids stress is challenging. However, when we get present to what is occurring in us first, we are better equipped to support our kids. With so little time and so much to say, there is not time like the present!
Learning to listen from presence is your greatest gift to your children during life’s big transitions.
Knowing how to get present and listen in stressful times is a learned skill.
I’d love for you to join me and other parents on a journey to learn how to drop into presence with ease, get out of your own fears so you can truly hear what your kid needs and teach them how to navigate the stress and anxiety that interferes with their success.In just 4 short weeks you will learn how to:
Join me and together let's give our kids the greatest gift we have - our attention.
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