The greatest gift we can give ourselves and our kids is our presence. The key is knowing when we are actually present and fully available to those we love.
Often we trick ourselves thinking we are present. This is easy to do. With busy lives, cell phones, bills to pay, work to attend to, and our own attention being hijacked by our imagination, thoughts and feelings all over the place it can be challenging to create space to be here now with our full attention and awareness.
One thing I know for sure is that fear can pull me out of presence faster than anything.
Fear or lack can show up in so many forms:
And when my kids come to me stressed, I can easily drop into fear wanting to ‘help' them.
Not to long ago my daughter was caught up in a three way drama at school. When I learned about it from another mom, I found myself scared, angry and judgmental. My daughter was being bullied and I was not going to stand for it.
From my fear, anger and sadness I had so many plans…I would call the school, I would get the other parents together to help our kids solve this problem, I would tell my daughter EXACTLY how to handle it, I would plan playdates with other girls. My control freak was on FIRE. IT was a good thing she was at school this whole time.
After about an hour, I began to calm down and welcome all that was going on in ME. All my fears. I quickly realized what I was doing and how I was about to disempower my daughter. I relaxed into being with it all and let go of my need to control any of it. My job is not to fix her or her perceived problems, my job is to stand by her, witness her and love her while she learns to navigate life and it’s inevitable ups and downs. This was her opportunity to learn. And clearly mine too.
When she came home we talked. I calmly asked her to share with me what was going on. She shared, we talked and I learned about her. And I realized she is brilliant, beautiful and powerful. I had such love and respect for her courage and how she handled herself and in that moment I realized she is just fine. And all I need to do is listen, learn and lead her back to herself again and again…. until she no longer needs me too.
And the most important lesson I learned that day? When I LEARN to be present I TREAT the people I love will my full presence. And that is the greatest gift there is.
Developing awareness of our own emotional reactivity in the face of our kids stress is challenging. However, when we get present to what is occurring in us first, we are better equipped to support our kids. With so little time and so much to say, there is no time like the present.
Learning to listen from presence is your greatest gift to your children during life’s big transitions.
Knowing how to get present and listen in stressful times is a learned skill.
I’d love for you to join me and other parents on a journey to learn how to drop into presence with ease, get out of your own fears so you can truly hear what your kid needs and teach them how to navigate the stress and anxiety that interferes with their success.
In just 4 short weeks you will learn how to:
Join me and together let's give our kids the greatest gift we have - our attention.
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