Curiosity Creates Connection

In last month’s blog I spoke of how choosing to take 100% responsibility helped me create more connection with my son. Opening up to taking responsibility empowers us as leaders in our children lives and models for them a key leadership skill.

After I shifted my righteous beliefs about my sons behavior I was more open and curious about the possibilities for creating what I really wanted; connection with my son. When our brain relaxes and we shift out of fight, flight or flee mode we become open to our inherent creativity.  My brain relaxed it’s righteous belief that "he should be" doing something different than he was and from that place I was able to open to my creative thinking brain.  It was only then that it occurred to me to use the radio as a means to connect with him. Before long, he put his phone down and were laughing together, enjoying our favorite irreverent comedian, CK Louis, and making lemonade out of traffic.

Had I stayed below the line in my righteousness, believing all those thoughts I was running- from fear and anger and sadness like:

• He should not be on his device so much!
• Those phones are dangerous for our kids! I need to put a stop to it!
• He is so rude!  I need to teach him some manners
• He is going away soon and we NEED to spend time together :-(
• He is never going to learn how to interact with people if he is always texting and snapchatting

I would have been stuck in the old familiar Drama Triangle game where I would’ve ended up blaming and criticizing and creating nothing but disconnection.

When we step into the game of taking responsibility and getting curious, we are empowering ourselves to co-create the lives and relationships with our children that we truly desire.  We get out of drama and into the game of ownership.

This is where real transformation takes place.

So check in.  Are you willing to let go of being right?  Are you ready to challenge all the things you have believed and open to new possibilities?

This week catch yourself when your child is acting out or you feel triggered and you are believing thoughts like:

• He/She shouldn’t be….
• I cannot believe he/she did…
• I have to….
• I’m right….

Pause when you notice your mind thinking these thoughts and simply breath.  See if you would be willing to accept yourself for whatever is occurring in the moment and allow yourself to be exactly where you are in the moment.  Then see if you would be willing to do the same for your child.  From here there is no judgement or no problem.  There is just a situation that requires attention.

From here I invite you to ask questions like:

• What can I learn about myself or my child from this situation?
• How is this familiar to me?
• I can take responsibility for creating this by?
• How is the opposite true?

Notice what occurs in your mind and body when you step into curiosity questions.  What shifts in you and your children from this place?

I’d love to hear how curiosity has helped you create more creative connection.

Want to learn more about shifting to curiosity? Join the Foundations of Conscious Parenting Course where we explore this and many more ways to cultivate more conscious presence in your life as a parent.